In the crease:
You suggest that hockey is a meritocracy when that is often far from the truth. The level of hockey really has nothing to do with it at these ages when kids are supposed to be developing their skills and hockey acumen. There are plenty of ways for a kid to learn about the harsh realities of adult life, and plenty of time to do so. We are talking about adolescents here, not mini NHL journeymen.
Does a 3rd line parent pay a reduced fee? Does the coach come up at signing and tell you: "Hey your kid is going to be on the 3rd line all year and if we have a close game, they will play 2 shifts in the 3rd for approximately 1 minute." And for the record, we played OC1 several times this season, and when it was close I saw how much the 4 lines were rolled, which is to say, I saw the same kids out on back to back shifts.
I understand that when a game is on the line, a coach is often going to try and win the game. When it's a tournament championship or the playoffs, the stronger kids are going to play more. Kids that are completely outclassed may be sheltered, and for good reason.
My point is that a good coach spreads the coaching AND the game opportunity around. My kid has been in both situations on both types of teams. For all the shit talking that people on this board do about the prospects for their kids (and of course you have a much better idea when your kid is 16), the reality is that not all kids develop at the same time. Some mature earlier and others later. Nobody knows for certain what type of player they might be in 5 or 7 years, or the potential they might have to succeed at a higher level of hockey at the age of 12. Take for example, the story of Misty Copeland, who started Ballet at the age of 13, when most girls are well into their peak growth velocity period. Copeland would eventually become the principal dancer at the American Ballet Theater. Sweden discourages early specialization in sports, and has an incredible track record in the modern era, of developing some of the top NHL defenseman and Goalies, not to mention a long list of quality forwards, when the entire country has a population of 9 million.
One thing's for sure, and that is this: if a kid has lost the desire to play the sport, it doesn't matter what their potential might be.
Kids aren't stupid, and they know when coaches don't like them, or value them, or see their potential. It's human nature that coaches have favorites, but a really good coach will hide their biases better than a bad one, and if you spend any significant time watching practices and games, you should know whether your coaches are investing their time and attention on your child in a way that justifies your expenditure of time and money.