Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye!
Good citizens of CAHA-sanctioned territories and the Greater Vacaville Meth Lab Regions! Friends and unhinged Ducks 06 parents! I, Kangaroo Jack, CAHA Senior Vice President of Shenanigans & Tomfoolery, do hereby declare the 2018/2019 hockey and mid-day drinking season underway!
As much as it disgusts me… as much as it causes my skin to crawl… I will first shift my focus from the AAA future-Gretzky and lil’ Corey Perry utopia to the cesspool that is AA. Oh, you say I’d get more games at AA? Not interested. You say local competition is really good at AA? I spit in your face. You say AAA is too expensive? I say it’s NOT expensive enough!
So if CAHA endorses 20 kids for one PW AA team… I ask why not 23?! Why not 26?! As a staunch follower of the ADM Tailgate & Pregame Booze Hound Model, these guys and the large-calved gals from the armpit of Cali really know what they’re talking about! So all you AA parents just shut up and be happy that my fine friends at CAHA allow you the privilege to play hockey in our beloved, honest and tooooootally transparent league.
As a side note, all kickbacks and greasy payments are due BEFORE the Annual Jamboree & Organizational Shakedown is underway. No late payments accepted.
Back on topic… I declare the 20 kid excessive roster talk finished! And any further complaints can be sent to CAHA Headquarters care/of SHRED IMMEDIATELY.
That’s it. My first order of business is complete. Now I can go back to the NHL breeding ground that is PWAAA. Yup, that’s right. The Ducks 06 are back. Hobo Village is open for business. And after a long, long break of acting like they’re not really playing hockey, the perpetual 06 Runner-ups will be forced to actually play games with their dwindling 8-kid roster. Sure, they might be a little bit lighter on kids this year, a little bit less talented, a little bit slower, a little bit weaker, a little bit more whiny and just a tad bit more offensively predictable… but I’m sure it’s going to be a super duper year for those scrappy little Ducklings.
Here’s to finally winning a banner, boys! Here’s to double-shifting three kids! And here’s to Hobo Village finally eradicating small pox!
Faithfully,
Kangaroo Jack
CAHA Sr. Vice President of Shenanigans & Tommfoolery
P.S. Nice throwback AAA jerseys San Jose. I wonder where you got that idea.